(from Pirkei Kinyan Da’at Ch. 4)
Consciousness draws on two completely different capacities: seeing differences and joining with. Each power serves a different function. When there is a need for restraint and boundaries consciousness says ‘no’ to this option and ‘yes’ to another. We make value judgments about good and bad. Where there is a need for empathy consciousness teaches us how to join with the other person in his or her experience.
Whether we are seeing differences or joining why is this called ‘consciousness?’ What are we conscious of? When we see differences obviously we’re conscious that differences exist and we recognize the need to adjust our behavior to fit those differences (that is, respond uniquely in a unique situation). When we join with the other we are conscious of our essential unity.
We are unique individuals. We are bonded in one inherent unity. Paradoxically both these statements are true.
Our inherent unity is expressed in the Biblical verse: Adam knew Hava his wife/his woman (Genesis 4 verse 1). Male and female are so different that we might ask: How can they ever get together? As the joke goes, every marriage is a mixed marriage. In the joining power of consciousness a higher truth is revealed – that at their inception they were one body. This is no artificial joining (The author heard this explanation from Rabbi Yitzchak Hutner.).
This unity lies at the core of all creation. Everything harks back to the one God who created it.
This joining extends to every aspect of the created world. In consciousness male and female, body and spirit, physical and spiritual reality and action and intention are all joined. A person who has connected between the separate parts of self becomes a tabernacle where the divine presence dwells.
To return to our subject of empathy, the Talmud presents a case of joining with the bride and groom in their celebration. This is one of the Jewish guidelines in how to act with kindness. No one should have to celebrate alone. We’re supposed to dance and sing and say “What a lovely bride.” The question is raised by the Talmud “What if she’s not so lovely?” Isn’t saying she is when she’s not dishonest? The answer given is no, it’s not dishonest because from the groom’s perspective she’s beautiful! It’s not your job to tell him how you see things but to put yourself into his shoes and see how he sees things. The concluding statement is: “A person’s consciousness should always be joined with others.”
In order to develop consciousness we have to develop both these qualities and we have to practice discriminating before we practice joining. Be clear on your own values and boundaries. See reality for what it is, without illusions. Then you can lovingly get inside the other person’s skin to see reality through his eyes and join him in his experience, without getting lost there.