Question: I’d like to come up with an operational definition of dignity. What are your thoughts on this?
Answer: What comes to mind for me is nobility and associated words like inner freedom and leadership. I’ve noticed that whether I’m doing something that’s part of my habitual routine or being spontaneous, there is both a free and un-free way to do it.
This distinction has nothing to do with the ‘what’ but the ‘how.’ Whether I’m sticking to schedule or going with the flow I can react unconsciously, impulsively and passively or respond intentionally, deliberately and mindfully. The ‘free’ way is to put my full attention on the task at hand. I know what I want and why, so I might choose the regularly scheduled activity or make a conscious decision that an interruption is worthy of my attention right now. Before I start, ideally I’ll pause for a minute to think about what I’m about to say or do and what it means to me. The way of the slave is plodding away at my “to-do” list or allowing myself to be carried away by every new distraction that comes my way.
Inner freedom depends on my ability to take charge. Rather than give myself over to my impulses (“But I want to finish this now!!”) or to coercive forces in the world (Something came into my inbox that I don’t have time for but look at anyway) self-mastery means being able to say ‘no’ or ‘yes’ to something and mean what I say. Taking charge I’ll implement authentically-made decisions and take responsibility for having made them. I feel this most acutely when people are eating what are bad choices for me. My ability to stick to my decision is a good measure for me of where I stand right now on the scale of autonomy and self-determination.
Finally, this self-possessive inner strength emanates outward naturally into leadership. I’ll never forget the conversation I had with a particular person who had phone calls and other distractions in the middle of our conversation and when he got back half an hour later he picked up exactly where we left off, completely present and focused on what I had just said before the interruption. Throughout, he didn’t butt in with his thoughts even in his mind, but was there with me until the very end, when it was absolutely clear I had finished absolutely all I had to say. His demeanor taught me more than a thousand reprimands could have about dignity.
Leadership that signifies dignity shows respect for self and other at the same time, with no contradiction between them. A leader responds to insult with calm assertiveness and a gesture of peace. There is a sense that this person’s sense of self-worth cannot be touched. Yet such a person is steadily there for you, because he or she is not standing on a pedestal but engaging with the world, like a soft rock.