Question: What is happiness? Is it an attitude, an emotion or a state of being? What makes happiness possible?
Answer: Let’s start with a different question: W hat makes people unhappy?
• They fight what’s not in their control
• They feel like helpless victims
• They are self-absorbed
Happiness cannot be conditional (“Only if this happens then I will be happy”) or a forced kind of “positive thinking” that ignores all negative emotions. Self-serving happiness won’t touch your innermost soul.
The inverse of the attitudes that promote unhappiness promote happiness. People who are happy…
• …accept what’s not in their control
• …feel empowered by the responsible role they have to play
• …are focused on something outside themselves
Three Logotherapeutic concepts will serve to demonstrate these attitudes, and similar parallel concepts can be found in Jewish thought.
Joy of trust
Frankl wrote about a “basic trust in being.” That is, we need to believe that our being (our existence) in the world means something. Our life has a purpose to it. In the absence of this belief we end up feeling we don’t even want to exist.
Similarly in Jewish sources there is the concept of divine providence & intervention. This concept spells out the idea that we are divinely watched and guided. Not only does my life have a purpose to it. My creator is constantly involved in my life to help me fulfill that purpose.
Joy of self-determination
As human beings we are self-determining. As free agents we choose who we will be from one minute to the next. Regardless of what is happening to us, we can turn a tragedy into a human achievement.
Similarly the Jewish concept of teshuvah, which literally means “return” indicates the act of turning towards God and to one’s authentic self. Ben Zoma says “Who is wealthy? One who is happy with one’s portion.” (Avot 4:1) My “portion” includes my talents, conditions of life, struggles, opportunities and meaningful goals.
This says that an integral part of religious belief is to trust that life is giving me what I need in order to do my job. The one who created me is still actively present in my life, sending me messages to guide and sometimes nudge me to where I need to go and who I’m meant to become. If this is your conception, then instead of complaining about what you don’t have, you will focus on what you do have – not because you have no other choice, but because the raw material you have in front of you is what you’ve been given to work with. What you can do defines your job!
The combination of trust and self-determination represent the trust of the child and the responsibility of the adult. We have aspects of both in us. When we feel supported and cared-for we find our strengths.
Joy of a meaningful focus
Frankl says that happiness cannot be the goal because a) if you aim for it you will miss and b) the deepest human striving is for higher values, not self-centered self-actualization.
Instead, we need a reason to be happy in order to be happy. Everything material has a life-span; you can’t take it with you after you die. In contrast, the intangibles like love, courage, integrity and all the other higher human qualities give us a sense of genuine satisfaction. They are the constants we carry around wherever we go and that make an eternal mark on our soul.
Similarly in Judaism there is the concept of “joy of a mitzvah.” Mitzvah is translated as “good deed” or “commandment.” There is joy in doing an action that creates goodness in the world and there is joy in being responsive to what we feel as responsibility. The task is a sign of commitment. Thus far is the thinking a secular consciousness as well as a religious one.
Frankl notes that the religious person also knows to whom he is responsible. Moreover, to a religious perspective mitzvah functions as a channel for connection. It is a rewarding experience to know you are serving the highest meaning. A simple act on your part serves to bond your relationship with God, self and other, and its fulfillment takes on a life of its own for eternity.
This attitude of service was demonstrated to me by a certain person in my community. One day several years ago he noticed that I was standing by the curb during a heavy downpour. I didn’t ask for a ride but the rain was reason enough for him to offer me one. He eventually developed ALS and gave a divorce to his wife while he still had his faculties, to prevent her from later being burdened by him. The same person did both because this was his attitude about life generally, an attitude that says, “Do all the good that you can with what you have.”
Distortions
Trust and self-determination become distorted when one stands alone without the other.
In the absence empowering self-determination and when the context is pure self-focus, there is no genuine trust but only resignation. If I’m not getting what I want and I’m helpless, how can I be accepting? This brings to mind the so-called religious stance that is incapable of empathy, where the so-called friend tell the sufferer that his suffering is his problem and he should just change his attitude!
The sufferer for his part presumes that life is against him. He’s angry at the world and blames everyone and everything for his troubles but takes no responsibility for himself or alternatively suppresses his emotions because he’s “not supposed to” feel sad.
If I do not trust that life is guiding me and I am also focused only on myself, self-determination turns into arrogance. I can do anything I want, including manipulating others and exploiting the environment to get whatever I want.
Furthermore it’s possible to trust that life is guiding me and also be other-focused yet still live my life as an observer, going through the motions but not really living. I can truly be a participant in life only when I am fully engaged in doing something that makes life feel worth living.
Happiness doesn’t mean being jolly all the time. Your feelings are one of the givens of life. They what make you who you are and they are a sign of something you need to pay attention and be connected to. You can be sad but connected to God and to others through authentically expressing those feelings.
Happiness is an emotion, but in contrast to emotions that come and go, happiness is a constant state of being at-peace, that comes from having trust in life and being trustworthy to life.