Q. In the past two weeks, many of us have found it hard to even breathe. We identify so much with the mothers of the kidnapped boys. Could you teach how to have empathy without going overboard?
I will attempt to answer this question sent by a friend in light of my four-part model of meaning. What are the facts and the message conveyed by those facts? What are my feelings and attitudes toward the facts? What do the facts, together with my feelings and values demand of me? How would a meaningful response signify human achievement?
Gilad Sha’ar, Naftali Frenkel and Eyal Yifrach were on their way home from school two weeks ago when they were kidnapped by terrorists. Two of them are 16 and one is 19. They were standing at a hitchhiking post a five minute drive away from my house. Where I live everyone hitchhikes. The elderly do it, women with babies do it, and especially high school students who come from small towns with poor bus service do it. In a small town everyone helps everyone else.
With mass communication the world is a smaller place. We have a better grasp of the truth that whatever happens in one part of the world has a global effect. The intention of terrorists is to strike terror and to make normal life impossible so that evil can reign.
Israel is being tested a second time, only it’s different this time. When Gilad Shalit was captured there was a tortured debate about whether Israel should free hundreds of terrorists or refuse to make a deal with them. We made the deal and Gilad was freed. Everyone was happy to see him back with us.
Now there is a different sentiment in the air. There is a sense of having ‘been there, done that.’ These are three religious boys from religious families. The families are expressing their pain through prayer. I participated in a prayer service in the community of Migdal Oz with (I am guessing) over a hundred women whose voices pierced the heavens..
What is prayer? New ideas give you new knowledge. Prayer is about taking one aspect of something you already know and getting in touch with your feelings about it. (Ein Aya, Rav Kook, Shabbat Vol I, 10a, par. 6) My experience at Migdal Oz was cathartic. As I sang in unison with everyone “Our brothers, the whole house of Israel, who are handed over to distress and captivity, on sea or on land, may God have mercy on them and bring them out from trouble to expansiveness, from darkness to light, from servitude to redemption, speedily, right now…” I cried – and I don’t usually cry enough when I pray.
A tremendous healing is taking place in the country. Classmates of the boys went to the central bus station and got secular and religious alike to say Tehilim (Psalms). Don’t misunderstand. I’m not applauding this because they got anyone to pray who does not usually do so. I am happy to see that everyone cares and everyone is praying with one heart to bring our boys back. Because that means there is unity in the country, that we realize we are one family.
Furthermore there is an outpouring of support for the soldiers who have been mobilized to find them. The mothers of the boys are asking that when we pray for the safe return of their children we should also have in mind the safety of the soldiers. My community has been a center for hospitality for the soldiers, who have been so grateful for the show of support from people locally and from around the country.
I am hopeful that the religious perspective is becoming clarified. What do we do when we pray? We know that there is no one else but God to turn to. But we are asking for divine assistance from a place of responsibility. That is why we reach out and beseech God to bless our human efforts. So we support the soldiers, all the while knowing that their success depends on divine assistance.
The last time there was a mass mobilization of soldiers it was to eject the Jews out of Gush Katif, causing a painful rift between different sectors of the population. Now a reparative process is going on.
In the relatively short time that Israel has been a state we have had to overcome 2,000 years of being powerlessness. We could not protect ourselves as a nation. We could not stand up for what is morally right. Now as an independent country with an army we are in a position to do these things. Learning how is a process.
Naftali’s mother spoke at the UN and made a plea for their return, explaining that these boys are very good kids, the kind of kids that don’t speak ill of others, do many acts of kindness and enjoy music and getting together with friends like normal kids. We just want them home, she said. For their families it must be devastating. For all of us, though, it is heart-wrenching. If we feel connected as a nation, how can we not be in terrible pain? That is why we pray for their return. We celebrate life and we yearn for the day when the lion will sleep peacefully next to the lamb and no nation will engage in war against another nation and all humankind will live in peace. That is why we do acts of selfless kindness. That is why we do whatever is in our power to make a better world. Because we have feelings, and feelings are a sign of life.