We can trace the technique of paradoxical intention to the concepts called yira (reverence) and gevurah (restraint/discipline/courage) in Judaism
Existentially, we all have a spark of the divine in us, yet man is not God. In the words of the Maharal of Prague, “God is in heaven and you are on earth.” This defines the meaning of yira/reverence, in contrast to love which indicates empathy, identification and merging.
Love represents the value and source that motivates and activates our giving capacities; reverence represents the value and source that motivates and activates our capacity for restraint or discipline.
On the first day of creation light came into being. On the second day of creation the firmament separated between the “upper waters” and “lower waters,” constituting the first act of setting boundaries. (See Innerspace, Aryeh Kaplan)
So if the value of reverence is present, restraint and discipline will naturally follow. For example, you will say “no” to what your conscience discerns as wrong. You will also make boundaries for the sake of protecting what you love and value, such as taking steps to protect faithfulness in a relationship.
The values love and reverence and the human qualities that flow from them of giving and restraint are polar opposites that are actually two sides of the same coin.
All human being are, in truth, intrinsically joined and intrinsically separate and distinct entities at one and the same time.
Similarly, self-transcendence (the human capacity that is accessed in dereflection) and self-detachment (the human capacity that is accessed in paradoxical intention) are two sides of the same coin within the same sphere as chesed/giving and gevurah/restraint.
When you give to others, your acts of kindness and compassion originate in being focused on the value of love. You must dereflect towards values, or there will be nothing to attach yourself to.
On the other side of the coin you can only attach yourself to values by detaching yourself from your own self-absorption.
The concept of yira is itself a paradox. Usually translated as fear of God or fear of heaven, it manifests as the epitome of courage. Because when you feel you only need to answer to your Creator and no one else, then no opinion on earth will hold sway over your conscience. As Viktor Frankl commented when he left the camps, that he no longer needed to fear anything but God.
Thus, not surprisingly, paradoxical intention and dereflection often work as a team. In the act of separating from that which you fear (using paradoxical intention), you can give attention to that which you value (using dereflection). Recognizing your limitations, you are no longer trying to control what’s not in your control. – God is in heaven and you are on earth.
Yet the focus on values is only half of the story. The other half is seeing who you are in relation to the value. What is your responsibility? What is your role?
Fear incapacitates. Reverence, responsibility and commitment in the face of your task provides courage to fulfill your mission.