What can you tell someone who constantly worries, sitting in front of the television watching the news?
When my mother worries I tell her “Don’t watch the news!” I realize that’s not a satisfactory answer, and she’s not likely to listen to me. What would I say to someone who was not my mother?
There is no shortage of things to worry about. Most of them are out of your control, yet we act as if our worrying will change things.
Yet, there is a tiny kernel of truth to this. You don’t really want to put it out of your mind because you’re part of the world and you care about what’s going on. Besides, there are areas of life you just can’t ignore. How are you supposed to relate to your children – not think about them at all?
What is the difference between the kind of thought process that is useless and damaging as opposed to a thought process that is productive?
There is a New Yorker cartoon about a “worry tank.” A group of people is sitting around a table. One says “What if it doesn’t work?” Another says “What happens if it works all too well?” A thirds says “What if it all blows up in our faces?” Someone chimes in with, “What if somebody sues?” And finally, “What happens ten years down the line? Then what?”
When you worry, you imagine all kinds of terrible scenarios and get anxious about it. When you think productively, you consider what is likely to be the consequence of all the various courses of action and choose the best one. After that, there’s no difference between what’s in your control and what’s not in your control. Either way, the results are not in your hands.