In many ways people are all alike. In more ways they are different. Although advice can always potentially be helpful it’s worth considering a few things
Certain kinds of advice (from self-help books to a host of in-the-flesh advice-givers) take into account how people operate generally. One of the points made in the introduction to the book Alei Shur acknowledges this fact and the author states that the book was written having in mind to the best of his awareness what all people have in common.
Yet he includes a warning: If something he suggests does not feel right to you in any way, if it makes you anxious, if an exercise is pushing you to change too fast or if it’s not doing anything for you, stop doing it. This is one of the reasons I trust the book.
There is no substitute for knowing yourself. You have to be mindful and present for your emotions, sensations and thoughts. You have to be aware of your energy in different environments. You have to know what effect a particular practice is having on you. No one else can tell you how you’re feeling or what is working for you.
One of the ways that people are alike is that we need practice. If you want to instill a new habit or learn a new skill you have to practice every day. You don’t have to be a long amount of time to it but it has to be every day. You have to be disciplined. Yet it’s not always lack of discipline that makes you avoid doing it. Be aware that you’re avoiding it and ask yourself why, what’s at the bottom of it.
People are impatient. Change only takes place in small steps. What’s important is deciding what kind of step is a small one for you that stretches you without feeling burdensome. It’s also important to look at a small step as a huge thing. The measuring stick of spiritual growth is not getting to the finish line. We’re used to the concept of verifying and finding validity in behavioral or psychological techniques because they are quantifiable and measurable.
There is an inherent problem with this scientific perspective. The true measure of spiritual growth is movement and movement is not always measurable. If you are becoming more aware of your procrastination tactics then you are already gaining control. – Can awareness be measured? Often change is not quantifiable yet being immersed in a change process is a clear sign of growth and movement. Change is imperceptibly taking place. This needs to be acknowledged.
You are also different from every other person in the world. The situation in front of you is different. I once had a teacher who was a pediatrician and said that even every case of a baby with an ear infection is different. You can try to follow the rules of the book but what will work has to fit who you are and the situation you’re in. There’s no getting around the need for awareness.
Furthermore even the best advice-giving cannot determine the specific area of inner work you need to be doing. The best counselors and therapists are those who help bring out your self-awareness. Yet it cannot be a self-awareness that doesn’t bring change in its wake. People can spend years in therapy and understand everything about how their upbringing makes them fearful and repeat unwanted patterns of behavior on a wheel that continues for generations and they cannot get off of.
Self-awareness should make you conscious of your unique gifts and opportunities. It should make you aware of what is happening in your environment and what is happening inside of you and therefore aware of the meaning of the opportunity of this moment in time. Self-awareness should be part of a process in which you feel in some perhaps intangible yet unambiguous way that you are changing.