Even one act of kindness between two people makes a difference in the world that lasts forever and solidifies a relationship. All the more so, values actualized over time have a cumulative effect on the relationship.
I brought mushrooms for the salad at my grandson’s birthday celebration. Since it was more than they needed, my son gave me the uncut leftovers to take home. We proceeded to have a friendly spat over it. “You take the rest home with you. We don’t need it. You can use it.” “No, you take it. We want you to take it.” “But I want you to take it.”
He won in the end by using the “peace in the home” argument, saying his wife would insist. When a similar dialogue is repeated in many contexts over the course of time, it creates a pattern of kindness, a “default” way of relating.
Fighting over who will be the giver transforms the abstract value of caring into something real in concrete situations. Once they are fulfilled, such values have a lasting impact on the world, on the giver, on the receiver, and on the dynamics of the relationship.
It’s easier for a parent to put the child’s needs first than it is for a child to put the parent’s needs first.
When a child does it for a parent, it enhances his sense of gratitude, and at the same time holds back the parental tendency to give beyond what’s good for themselves.