We know the importance of being aware of our emotions. When we try to bottle them up and hold them tight they tend to either explode in inappropriate ways or get deposited in our bodies where they do damage.
What is the healthy way to be in touch?
“Consciousness is the power to decide. From my experience in questions I get from young people seeking a marriage partner who don’t know whether they like someone or not or are uncertain whether there is such a concept as liking someone at all, my conclusion is that they are so involved in intellectualizing that they neglect to develop their emotional side. Consciousness can decide only when mind and emotion are functioning properly. Therefore it’s necessary to develop the emotions through prayer, ethical guidance, singing spiritual songs etc. This necessity for emotion should not be confused with what was said earlier about ‘living a life of feelings.’ There we referred to a superficial response whereas here we are speaking of emotions as they arise in every person from within the self.” (Pirkei Kinyan Da’at p. 67)
We can understand that the students he guided were very much ‘in their heads’ spending hours upon hours of the day in intellectual study. But if prayer was the way he advised them to develop their emotions this is not necessarily what he would advise us.
From my personal focus lately on becoming more aware of my emotions I believe there are two different ways to relate to emotions: fighting and honoring.
When you fight your emotions you complain and obsess over them and they only intensify in strength. Nothing changes as a result of talking about it. You end up feeling more justified in claiming your ‘victim’ status. All the talking in the world keeps you stuck.
When you honor your emotions and allow them to just be they get released. Honoring means recognizing their messages, listening with compassion and supporting yourself with unconditional love. In this way you get in touch with your inner wisdom and you know what you have to do.
How does prayer help develop emotions? Prayer is meant to be a direct dialogue with God and emotions are mainly what is expressed in the dialogue. In our experience too often prayer feels like an imposition, not an outlet for outpouring of emotions. But if you take a look at Psalms, that’s all king David was doing was a huge outpouring of emotions of all kinds. Every emotion in human experience was expressed by him: fear, love, longing, repulsion, elation, and all the rest.
Sometimes the emotion brings out the words and other times the words touch the emotion. Haven’t you ever tried not to cry but as soon as you said a certain word or phrase it was as if a dam was unblocked and the water came pouring out of your eyes? Similarly uttering prayerful words should arouse something in us. If we’re asking for something what is the emotion behind the request and beseeching? If we’re expressing gratitude what is the depth of that feeling? If we’re sad or grieving over a loss this too comes from a deep place.
He mentions singing and music also arouses something deep within us, as if we’re calling it up from the depths.
Emotions are part of our humanity. A developed emotional life is a dialogue. It’s not necessarily with another person. It’s an inner dialogue. Our emotions together with our rational mind assist us, communicate with us, guide us to what we sense is going on in our inner and outer world, so that we can know what holds value and meaning in life.