When you love someone you don’t possess that person. Love is not toward aspects of what the other ‘has,’ but toward the core of who the other ‘is.’ This unique individual I’m encountering cannot be exchanged for another. So, as a relationship of spiritual bonding, marriage demands exclusivity and faithfulness. (p. 141-150)
People are afraid of this kind of commitment because sometimes they pick the wrong partner, and when that bond is broken it causes a lot of pain. But the issue is not just who you’re marrying. It’s also the attitude toward commitment – or lack of it.
The problem modern man has with commitment is related to the problem of ownership.
The basic misunderstanding that leads to possessiveness impacts how we see our role in the world in significant ways.
It’s not only in marriage that we have to be careful of the trap of possessiveness. For instance, we don’t own our children as a commodity to ‘have.’ They are a trust or safekeeping we are duty-bound to responsibly care for.
Even our own bodies don’t ‘belong’ to us. We’re given the responsibility to take care of our bodies. Moreover, we’re given responsibility to take care of the world, not to kill off endangered species or poison the fish in the oceans and the birds hovering overhead by dumping plastic into it.
A materialistic perspective says it’s mine and I’ll do whatever I please with it. A spiritual perspective says I’ve been entrusted with this, as something to protect and to care for.