In the song from the musical Hair it’s “easy to be hard,” but sometime it’s “easy to be kind.” It is too easy sometimes, if you want to be accommodating, to say “Never mind. It’s okay” to someone else’s insensitivity to you, while in your gut you’re holding a grudge, holding in inner resentment, and not being very kind to yourself.
Unfortunately we often think the only alternative to telling the person you’re angry is to not tell them, but hold a grudge. If you want your words to match your feelings, what else can you do?
There is a third option: saying “It’s okay, never mind” and meaning it.
This is the most challenging path but the most rewarding one. How do you get there?
One way is to realize that by holding on to resentment you only hurt yourself. Yet, knowing this is not enough of a reason for most people.
To be willing to do this, you have to be able to see value in forgiveness for its own sake. How you accomplish this is an open question. Feel free to explore it and I will welcome your thoughts.
Once you come to a place of inner peace where you feel it’s really okay, you will be able to genuinely say “It’s okay. I don’t hold it against you.”
In order to say “never mind” and mean it sincerely you have to first admit to yourself that you’re hurt and insulted, accept responsibility for your feelings (since no one but you has power over you to “make” you feel a particular way), and then look for a way to be forgiving.
To be continued…