The first aspect of meaning that we explored last week was the simple meaning. Whether the messenger is another person, my emotions, my body or the “situation,” something outside me is the speaker. It would be ludicrous to try to fabricate and superimpose my own meaning when the speaker is conveying a message telling me something about itself.
Yet this is what we often do. We don’t listen to what the speaker is telling us about him or her or itself. We see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear.
The second aspect of meaning, “meaning resonance” is the meaning of the longing that is aroused in you by the tension between what is and what ought to be, inspiring a vision of what could be.
“Psychotherapy tries to make the patient aware of what he really longs for in the depth of his self.” (Psychotherapy and Existentialism, p. 21)
Tension between what is and what ought to be
Longing is the feeling that arises whenever we feel a gap between what is and what to our minds ought to be, and we want things to be the way we envision and not the way they are right now. Our dissatisfaction and frustration with “the way things are” expresses itself as a longing for change, a deep-seated desire for potential values to be actualized, for meaningful possibilities to be made real.
What is disclosed to consciousness is something that is; however, what is revealed to conscience is not anything that is but, rather, something that ought to be. What merely ought to be is not real, but is something to make real; it is no actuality but mere possibility… (The Unconscious God p. 34-36)
While the first aspect of meaning is life telling us information about itself, the second aspect of meaning is the answer to why the message is important to me. If pain is telling you that something in your body is off-balance, you will long to restore it to a state of balance because you care about your health and well-being. If the fallen shopping wagon is telling you that the shopper needs assistance, you will long to find a way for it to be set aright because you value helping others. If you have been raised by gentle and loving parents you will long to raise your children in the same way because you have seen how wonderful childhood is with the right nurturing and affirmation. And if you have been raised in an abusive atmosphere you will also long to raise children with gentleness, because you have seen what goes wrong with a lack of nurturing and affirmation Whether you are feeling positively or negatively about what has just happened, the message alerts you to what “is not yet” but ought to be made a reality.
Values
Where does this longing come from? What is this ache for change in the status quo? The longing and the vision comes from our values, which tell us “This is how life should be. This is what I want.”
“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.” (The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery Ch. 21).
Values are the intangible, invisible aspect of meaning, yet no concrete process can be generated without them. Values lend significance to the simple meaning of what is happening and its message about itself. Without values there is nothing to stir, arouse, evoke, motivate or inspire you. What is important to you and why? You get clarity about danger and safety, right and wrong, a vision of what ought to be and a desire and longing to make it so. Without this aspect of meaning there would be no hope for the future and no passion that could inspire and energize you to get there.
And why do we want values?
Will-to-meaning
A college student challenged her philosophy teacher saying, “There is no such thing as altruism. I don’t do good for others because I care about them. I do it because it makes me feel good!” To which the teacher replied, “Ah, but then why does your lack of altruism bother you? Could it be that deeper still than your desire to feel good or do good is a desire to be good?”
“Man is pushed by drives. But he is pulled by values.” (The Will to Meaning, p. 57)
What does it mean to be pushed by my drives and pulled by my values? I am pushed from behind against my will; I am pulled into the future by my will.
The will-to-meaning, which is the source of your motivation and passion, refers to your most deep-seated desire to actualize values.
“But where do we hear of that which most deeply inspires man; where is the innate desire to give as much meaning as possible to one’s life, to actualize as many values as possible – what I should like to call the will-to-meaning?” (The Doctor and the Soul, p. xvi)
Values touch us in some way and make us conscious of what is precious and valuable and true for us. Yet even though values are sparked within us, they pull us from beyond ourselves. Values were the speaker all along. The value of compassion spoke of the shopper’s need. The values of self-care spoke of threat to one’s well-being. The desire for intimacy speaks of the need for honesty in relationships.
The voice of values is very different from the voice of ego. One can say about an experience “It spoke to me” as an expression of personal preference. It satisfies my need for others to agree with me.
The question is: Am I hearing with the aim of getting confirmation of my foregone conclusion or am I attentive to information from “out there” in the world that I need to learn about and consider?
Whether you are attentive to the need of another or a need of your own, values shake you from complacency and point to possibilities that lie outside your frame of reference and beyond your present limitations.
“If we take people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat them as if they were what they ought to be, we help them to become what they are capable of becoming.” (Goethe, cited in The Doctor and the Soul, p. 90)